MIDWEST
When I was younger the question most people asked me when trying to get to know me was "what do you do for fun?" The key word, of course, is "trying" because they wanted to know what kinds of bars I go to, if any, or what kinds of clubs I go to, if any. Would it have killed them to just leave it as an open-ended question?
I always loved recreational activities but bars, and especially clubs, were not near the top of my list. I loved eating out at nice restaurants when in town but most of all I was into outdoor activity such as skiing, hiking, and paddling. I was one of those crunchy types who was pretty well versed in wilderness ethics but also had it in me to go on some epic ski runs down the mountain. The problem was that I was living in the midwest at the time so I was TOTALLY out of my element. I was merely dismissed as lame because these people are not familiar with the granola culture. So they saw me as what I was not, rather than what I was.
TELLURIDE
So I moved out to Telluride, Colorado. When I was there, I was living a good ski bum life. Now I had lived a pretty sheltered life up to that point and skiing was no different. I skied at Gore Mountain most of the time as a child growing up in upstate New York and because Gore is not in New England or Quebec, it's not one of the big name places that people have actually heard of. Although I now know that the terrain at Gore is at least as legit as, and sometimes better than, the terrain at the more glamorous eastern ski areas, I did not know that back then because my experience with the other ski areas was limited to very few, if any, ski days. It was just not enough to make a fair comparison because there was still the whole lingering novelty of having actually gone to some of those places that the other kids were constantly talking about.
So when I was in Telluride, I hated the question "where did you usually ski back east?" If I answered honestly by saying "Gore Mountain," the response was often "where?!" If someone is that unfamiliar with eastern skiing then they really should not even bother asking me where I used to ski back east. But anyway, I had many reasons for going out west to be a ski bum and one of them was to get away from my sheltered life and bury that too-humble past by going on a big ski trip that would trump all of the ski trips all those snobs I went to school with ever went on, including the "Vail crew" that all went as a group together in a very low-risk move on their part (please see http://reflections-on-the-water.blogspot.com/2012/03/establishment-wants-you-to-play-it-safe.html). Needless to say, I did not appreciate these people's attempts to force my past back into my life in the slightest, especially given that I was in the process of freeing myself from my past. Besides, just the fact that I was living in Telluride mainly for the purpose of engaging in outdoor activities should have spoken volumes about me but apparently it wasn't enough of a hint for these thick headed people.
BURLINGTON
After I felt satisfied about having sufficiently made up for some lost time while in Telluride, I went to Burlington, Vermont to finish my university studies at the University of Vermont (UVM). We all know that the drinking culture is big at most secular universities. However, Burlington is a small enough town so that university life dominates the town. If binge drinking does not happen to be a particular interest of yours then you probably have a low (a.k.a. NATURAL) tolerance and can't hold excessive amounts of alcohol all that well. This makes you a "lightweight" which is another way of labeling someone as "weak." It doesn't matter if there are other things you are good at.
I was into the music scene, more so than most people, but in this small town the only time my kind of music was relevant was when Godsmack, Adema, and Ill Nino came through town (dating myself, I know) - and that was really a freak thing. Everything else was either top 40, dance-pop (there was no good hip-hop anymore at that point so I refuse to call it hip-hop), or hippy-dippy stuff. Having the stamina to go on a big hike or the ability to ski a difficult trail (or off piste) was not something anyone talked about nor are they the sorts of things one would brag about anyway. So it all comes down to holding your alcohol. If you can't hold your alcohol it really just means that binge drinking does not happen to be a particular interest of yours but in this environment it makes you a "lightweight," "weak," or "goody-two-shoes."
Bear in mind that this is an environment where there's a widespread assumption that certain occasions mean that certain people WILL be drunk. Sadly, I'm not just referring to house parties or fraternity parties either - at least those would be understandable even if they're neither moral nor prudent. Some notable examples of certain other occasions include the Greek Games and the annual Greek Awards ceremony.
The Greek Games should represent friendly competition in events that have little or nothing to do with actual athletic ability and they are a chance to showcase Fraternity spirit (banners, colors, songs, chants, etc.) but some people turn it into a rowdy drinkfest complete with pre-gaming. The Interfraternity Council (IFC) expresses disapproval about this in the aftermath of the event every year. I mean, why should IFC even bother troubling themselves with the planning of the Greek Games, and all the stress and drama associated with such planning, if they could have just thrown a huge outdoor party instead? They certainly had their reasons for wanting to do the Greek Games every year but none of them are comfortable with individually going to their misbehaving colleagues in their respective chapters to tell them that excessive drinking before and during the Greek Games tarnishes the occasion. They would get ridiculed and the boneheads of their chapters are not going to listen anyway.
The annual Greek Awards ceremony should be a time to recognize and celebrate the achievements of chapters that have had exceptionally good programming in all aspects of Greek life, such as community service, new member education, social programming, etc. There are also individual awards given out to recognize various student leaders, of which the Greek community typically has many. But there is a widespread assumption that most people there will be drunk, and therefore most people picking up awards will be drunk. It's treated in conversation like it's a given and questioning that assumption would make one out to be "goody-two-shoes" or "too rigid." Don't get me wrong, this is a fun occasion too, complete with awards such as "most likely to get plastic surgery" and "most likely to get carded at age 40" but if you watch the ESPY awards or any entertainment awards show on television you can see that they rib one another at those ceremonies as well - and the vast majority of them are sober.
The problem with the UVM, and therefore the Burlington, social environment is that it was too alcohol centered. In a bigger city where there is still a lot of alcohol consumed per capita, at least it's not treated as the be all and end all. Why is it that in Burlington, the ability to hold alcohol is all that matters? Why not the music scene? Why not sports? Why not hobbies and interests? Why not outdoor stuff? (There are mountains right nearby!) The social diversity that can easily be found in a big city is severely lacking in a small town like Burlington. I knew I would be respected more as an individual in a region that's more densely populated so I knew I was going to move out of Burlington upon finishing my university studies.
MORE RECENT YEARS
In more recent years there has been one dominant question that people insist on asking when they are trying to get to know me. The key word, of course, is "trying." They want to know what I do for work. Would it really kill them to choose instead to ask me what I do for fun or what kinds of music I listen to? Better still, they should just chat with me or just observe me in conversation to get to know me without forcing contrived answers. My work does not define who I am as a person. It's just where I happened to land. Unfortunately, most people are very backward and pass judgment based upon what one does for work. Once they are told what someone does for work, it colors their perception of that person's character. Anything they learn about that other person afterward is merely interpreted in terms of their own prejudiced opinion about that person. In other words, they learn nothing further because they are closed-minded.
Because my work is in the sciences, all sorts of stereotypes and caricatures form in people's minds. They look a bit like the television show "Big Bang Theory," which is just shockingly bad and grossly exaggerated. NOBODY could be THAT inept! Curiously though, many people in my line of work or similar sorts of work seem to think such a portrayal is accurate and are content with perpetuating what is undeniably a very negative stereotype. A problem lies in their tendency to label themselves and the rest of the group as a whole. They just don't understand the concept of speaking for oneself rather than speaking for the entire group. Some will also do or say things that make their colleagues look bad, even when the colleagues do nothing to make themselves look bad. In the end, those who do not deserve to be labelled in such a dubious manner are made "guilty by association." Certain people really need to learn to market themselves or their group in ways that make them more appealing. Some lessons about the finer points of Fraternity recruitment would have been helpful.
Wait, did I mention that I don't like people trying to label me?
James 2: 1-5
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