No regrets

When a year draws to a close, it is natural for people to look back upon the events that took place, among other things.  It's almost as if we want to define what the past year was about and how it compares to earlier years.  After all, each year does seem to have a different character to it, whether in our own individual lives or in the life of the general population.  There are milestones, triumphs, setbacks, unique occurrences, changing relationships, and, of course, regrets.

There are often regrets.  We wish we had done things differently at a moment in time in the past.  We wish we had made a quicker decision, or we wish we had been less impulsive.  We wish we had been more confident and relaxed, or we wish we had been more careful and redundant.  We wish we had spoken up when confronted, or we wish we had kept silent and stayed out of trouble.  We find it hard to forgive ourselves because we don't like the way things worked out or we don't like the way we feel about ourselves as a result of certain interactions with other people.  Sometimes, there's just no way to predict the future but it's still hard to accept when things don't work out or we feel like we mishandled a situation.  But oftentimes we could have predicted these kinds of outcomes with reasonable accuracy yet we still did the wrong thing (or just failed to do the right thing) because of other factors that went into play.  These are the times when it is especially difficult to forgive ourselves.

It is regarding these regrets that we need to be mindful that it's premature to declare anything a loss.  If things are meant to work out in the end or if we're eventually meant to have peace of mind regarding our interactions with other people, that does not mean things will necessarily look too good between the beginning and the end.  Think of life, or a period of time in your life, as being like surgery.  The patient's body is not looking too great when the first cut is made - and then it proceeds to look even worse soon afterward.  Even just before surgery is over, the patient is in no condition to wake up and start walking around and wandering about - in other words, still looking pretty bad.  It is not until the last cut is closed up that the patient looks all right again.  As a matter of fact, the patient is now in much better shape than they ever would have been had they never gone through that ugly stage known as surgery.

If we can just trust that things will work out eventually or that we will find peace of mind eventually, whenever that may be, then we can live without so much regret.  Everything happens for a reason, even things that we think are completely in our control - yes, those avoidable mistakes that are so hard to swallow.  That difficult time in the middle may very well allow things to sort themselves even better than we ever would have expected or even hoped for.

Luke 2: 41-52

Give a little bit

"We're not worthy!"

Kill 'Em All

Fullback ≠ "touchdown vulture"

The Jesus and Mary Chain

The End is coming!

more More MORE!

When Thanksgiving comes to pass, that means one of very few things to many people - shopping.  The so-called "Black Friday" comes to mind.  If everybody knows that it is the biggest shopping day of the year, why don't they wait it out for a bit until they can actually shop and browse with much less distraction?  The today-only "deals" you get are really not that worth it because in order to increase your "savings" you have to spend more.  It's a bit like taxes in reverse.  If you want to be taxed less, you would have to make less money.  I don't know of very many people who would voluntarily make less money just for the sake of making less money.  (Those who do willfully take a pay cut generally have a higher purpose).

The sad irony in this is that people are so driven to buy obscene quantities of material goods so soon after a time that ought to be spent being thankful for what we already have.  What is this all for?  Well, there are several holidays coming up in the next few weeks but the majority of people in North America are doing this for Christmas.  However, most of them do not know the truth about Christmas.  It's about Christ.  He was a gift to all of us.  Also, the 3 wise men provided gifts to Him upon their visitation but mostly as a customary courtesy.  Their PRESENCE during His early days was far more significant than their PRESENTS.

If we remove "Christ" from Christmas, we're left with "mas" which is not even an English word.  In Spanish, it means "more."  Christ has largely been forgotten in what has become a season of excess.  People in our society always want "more."  Even the occasion to be thankful for what we already have (it's called "Thanksgiving" for a reason) is just quickly and casually brushed aside like an inconvenient distraction because of our society's eternally insatiable appetite for "more."  "More" will never be enough.  But if those of us who celebrate Christmas focus on the reason for the season, there will be no need for "more."  We've already been given the gift to end all gifts and we can instead spend this time appreciating the joy of the all-too-rare opportunity to be in the presence of our own families.  (Yes, presents are fun, but not nearly as meaningful as our presence).

John 18: 33b-37

It's the end of the World as we know it!

For the past few years people have often joked about how the world is going to end in 2012.  As the year drew closer people started to get more specific about what time of year the end would come.  Predictably, the consensus was that the world would end very late in the year, like in December.  If any of you remember the film "12 Monkeys," they said the same thing about 1996.

Rumor has it that a Mayan calendar cycle ends in 2012.  Naturally this has led many to suggest, sometimes in jest, that this is some sort of omen foretelling certain doom.  Others say it's just a new cycle, like a millennium.  Surely some of you must remember all the apocalyptic hoopla regarding the coming of the year 2000.  This was supposed to bring about a doomsday of sorts as a result of computers, electricity, clocks, and other forms of modern technology not working right.  As we all know, the cycle changed over in a very uneventful and anticlimactic manner.

I do remember seeing a comic showing Mayan guys.  One of them has just finished carving a calendar wheel and his friend asks him if 2012, the final year on the wheel, is the end of the world.  The guy who carved the wheel says "no, I just ran out of space."  The fact of the matter is we don't know when this gig is up.  It could happen at a very obvious time like the end of a calendar cycle but it could just as easily happen at just some random time.

With that in mind we ought to live life to the fullest.  If you want to serve others in your community or in your family, do not put it off.  If you want certain people to know how much you love them, let them know when you get a chance - don't wait for the sake of being more dramatic (it generally ends up not being any more dramatic anyway).  If you want to turn your life around, be a better person, and do the right thing, start giving it a go now - don't keep putting it off.  There is a phrase in Latin that says "Carpe Diem."  It means "seize the day."

Mark 13: 24-32

Called to give all

This past week marked the end of all the election madness.  A lot of money goes into elections, particularly presidential campaigns.  That has always been the case.  However, this time around, we were introduced to the presence of Political Action Committees, which operate outside each campaign but generally support one candidate and not the other.  The really big PACs are often referred to as super-PACs.

The amount each candidate fundraises for his own campaign is about what we would expect.  The human ability to fundraise is not going to evolve noticeably over the course of only a few years.  But now that we have super-PACs, the scene changes considerably.  A lot more money is going into and out of the presidential campaigns than before - unprecedented amounts.  The presidential campaigns alone spent a total of about $2.6 billion!  This, of course, was made possible in large part by some individual donors who each gave millions of dollars to super-PACs of their choice.

With people or companies that can so casually throw around huge sums of money, thus seemingly imparting a heavy influence upon elections, it can be easy to get discouraged when you want to help out a campaign.  Sure, we can make our phone calls from home, we can visit door-to-door, or we can donate.  But our donations seem like mere drops in a bucket.  Also, some paid staff is needed to coordinate volunteers to give them the information they need to work with such as who to call and who to visit.  The people who gather and organize all this information for the campaign offices to hand off to their volunteers might need to be paid as well.  Basically, even the volunteering is driven by money to some extent.

So the question again, is, what could we possibly do for the campaign of our choice when there are these super-PACs and major donors whose influence and behavior could render our effect to be irrelevant?  The answer is we could do plenty.  If you call from home or visit door-to-door, there's a good chance that you may have convinced multiple undecided voters who happen to be registered as members of your party.  Let's say you managed to convince 10 people, including yourself.  Basically, you only need 10% of the electorate to even lift a finger if all the other volunteers are similarly effective.  For those of you who've been canvassing over the course of several days or weekends, convincing 10 people would appear to be quite feasible.

About 120 million people voted in the presidential election.  With $2.6 billion spent, that translates to about $22 per vote.  For those of you who donated, that's really not so daunting - especially if you've been donating over the course of a few months.  If you managed to donate more than $200 over the course of the whole campaign, you not only cast your own vote but you theoretically influenced several others to vote similarly.

You may not have made headlines like the super-PAC donors but those of you who volunteered or donated gave it your best shot and you did indeed have a direct effect on the election and you were a big help, even if your candidate did not win.  Four years from now, there might be even more money going through the presidential election but it will not be 10 times as much.  You will still have an effect on the election.  Perhaps not individually, but certainly collectively.  Remember, the legions of small-time volunteers and donors are nothing more than a great multitude of individuals.  Think globally, act locally.

Mark 12: 38-44

Love is all you need

After coming back from some work-related travel, I received a call from my parents informing me that they had made it back to the United States after some time spent in Japan.  Earlier in their trip, I was there too.  At that time we were visiting my brother who lives with his wife's family and works out there.  During much of my stay there, I hardly paid for anything - yet.  My brother and his wife's family were very gracious hosts to say the least.  However, there is a phrase that my Mom has told us before that no matter how close you are, always keep account of who owes money to who and how much.  In Chinese, I think it's said in 4 quick (and musical) syllables.

Now why is it that when you're in the family or in any other relationship you should keep account of such a thing as the transfer of money?  Perhaps it's because that's the only thing that really can, or should, be accounted for.  If you do a favor for someone but that other person does a different favor for you, how can you determine if you're "even?"  You can't, unless you think it makes sense to quantify a favor.  If you do or say little things to show that you love the other person, how do you "keep score" to make sure you're both "pulling your weight" in that regard?  You can't, unless you think it's possible for 2 people to have the same personality.  Now how about rules and regulations regarding ritualistic practices?  Well, conducting ritual in and of itself is meaningless unless it has a purpose or intent.  Otherwise you're just getting bogged down with the drudgery of procedure.

In other words, money is the only tangible thing in any relationship.  Keeping good account of it is thus essential because it ensures that nobody takes advantage of someone else.  It keeps the other person's concerns in mind.  If you can't maintain this simple foundation of trust, how can you be trusted with anything else in the relationship, especially things that can't be measured?  Basically, aside from money matters and perhaps even including them, you have very few, if any, rules in a relationship and that's the way it ought to be.  Most of what would be considered rules are behaviorally-related and are really just common sense if you have any semblance of compassion.

What it comes down to is: are you showing love to the other person or people involved?  It's not about whether you do or say certain things at certain times.  It's about keeping the other person or people in mind in regard to every decision you make and every action you take.  That's what love is.  It's the giving of oneself for the sake of being mindful of others, being considerate of current or potential concerns of theirs.  In a relationship that is all you need because it really does cover everything if you think about it.

Mark 12: 28b-34

Halloween = Opening Act

Now that Halloween has passed, everything just seems less festive.  The days and weeks leading up to it were fraught with hype.  Plenty of people had costume parties or cocktail parties.  Many went trick-or-treating or provided candy to trick-or-treaters.  But I don't know of anybody in their right mind who would expect any kind of decent turnout if they were to try to throw a party the day after Halloween or the first weekend after Halloween - especially if it were a Halloween-themed party.  The days after Halloween - All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day - are treated like afterthoughts.  For example, if you're on a university campus during one of those years when Halloween falls on a Friday, then Friday night would be busy and festive while Saturday night would feel like a giant letdown.  This, of course, is not at all typical of the usual pattern on most weekends.

The irony regarding Halloween's power on the social scene is that its very name implies that there's more to come.  It used to be known as "All Hallow's Eve."  "All Saints Day" would seem to be a rather logical follow-up.  In other words, Halloween is merely the opening act while All Saints' Day is the main event but Halloween has stolen the show.

This, of course, brings to mind something from the annals of rock n' roll history.  Back in the late 1970s, Black Sabbath was touring with Van Halen.  During the early and middle 1970s, Black Sabbath had been the Lords of this World.  They were legends in their own time!  Van Halen, on the other hand, was this little-known upstart band when they joined Sabbath as an opening act.

Unfortunately for Sabbath, they were on the decline by this time.  They had turned out 2 albums since 1975's "Sabotage," arguably their last truly great album, and both of those later albums sounded like the works of mere mortals compared to their first 6 albums.  Furthermore, the music scene was changing.  People were losing interest in extended jams and changing time signatures and gaining interest in fun and upbeat music that they could dance to or play at parties, such as the music of Van Halen.

Van Halen was treated like the next big thing, which they were, while Black Sabbath was treated like yesterday's oatmeal.  They just faded further out of relevance and into obscurity.  Black Sabbath was just no longer being taken seriously.  Van Halen had stolen the show.  Of course, there were a lot of other things going on as well, but the fact of the matter is, it seemed "impossible" that Black Sabbath would ever be "cooler" than Van Halen, especially with Sabbath's singer gone and enjoying a successful solo career (has anyone NOT heard of Ozzy Osbourne?)

Now let's look back at the last decade or more.  Anyone in the metal community could tell you that Black Sabbath has a LOT more credibility than Van Halen.  Black Sabbath are seen as legends from the good old days while Van Halen is seen as a bit of a punchline.  The music of Sabbath had much more substance to it while Van Halen's music was a vapid flash-in-the-pan.  Black Sabbath has thus found themselves some multi-generational appeal while Van Halen faithful are largely from a comparatively narrow age group.  Young people can still be seen with Sabbath apparel; Van Halen, not so much.  The time has come when people have finally realized that the mighty Sabbath is the REAL DEAL!

In much the same way, the time will come when All Saints' Day will be given its due.  You wouldn't think so now, you may even deem it "impossible," but Halloween's reign is not meant to last.  All Saints' Day shall be rightfully recognized for what it is - the main event.

Revelation 7:2-4, 9-14

Suicide Solution

Those of you in Massachusetts may be aware of a Physician-Assisted Suicide initiative going up for vote.  It's also been referred to as "Death with Dignity" or sometimes simply "Question 2."  I do not live in Massachusetts so I am merely a spectator, even though I live less than an hour away from the Massachusetts State House.

I do understand that if someone has been suffering and is about to pass away, many people see little or no reason to unnaturally extend that person's life.  Unfortunately, that is not what this initiative is about.  The physician-assisted suicide involves a physician prescribing a dose of a medication that is so massive that it is lethal.  That physician does not need to be present when the patient chooses to administer their prescription.  In fact, anyone who's ever tried to reschedule a medical appointment could tell you that it would be much easier and more convenient to self-administer the prescription without the physician present.

Sure, it is recommended that another person be present, but it is not required.  The physician is also expected to recommend that the patient notify the next of kin of their intention but neither the patient nor the physician are required to notify that next of kin.  This, of course, brings up another issue.  What if the patient is suffering from depression in addition to, or perhaps as a result of, their physical condition?  Sure, the physician is required to refer the patient for psychiatric or psychological consultation but only if the physician believes there's a problem in that regard.  If the attending physician dealing with the physical issue, who is not likely to be either a psychiatrist or psychologist, sees no problem with the patient's mind, then there is no such requirement.

The attending physician is required to refer the patient to a consulting physician, a specialist, for a diagnosis and prognosis regarding the patient’s disease, and confirmation in writing that the patient is capable, acting voluntarily, and making an informed decision.  But just like the attending physician, this consulting physician is also unlikely to be either a psychiatrist or psychologist.  Besides, people suffering from depression are just as likely to be capable, acting voluntarily, and making informed decisions as those who are not.  It's just that such decisions would likely be very different if they were not suffering from depression.  The human mind goes to some very dark places when the person who possesses it is infirmed.  It is a very lonely experience, not to mention the helpless and powerless feelings associated with such vulnerability and desolation.  It is at this time when those who are ill are in most need of people reaching out to them.

We are called to comfort the suffering, not enable them to end their lives.  Such enabling would amount to ignoring them at a time when they are most in need of attention.  As undignified as a patient's life may seem in their physical condition, the act of poisoning oneself is never a digified way to die.  Not only that but the cause of death would not even be listed as an overdose.  It would just be listed as whatever disease the patient was suffering from.  In other words the suicidal overdose would never be recorded.  It would be covered up, ignored as if it were never there.  This would compromise the integrity of the medical profession and would further violate and cheapen the sanctity of human life.  Please consider these things before making a decision on this issue.

Here is a link to the website containing the ballot question:
http://www.sec.state.ma.us/ele/ele12/ballot_questions_12/quest_2.htm

Mark 10: 46-52

Where's Your Crown?

I have recently had the good fortune to work with the undergraduate Brothers of a new and thriving local Chapter of my Fraternity, Phi Delta Theta.  This is an excellent and enthusiastic group of men who are proud to serve in whatever capacity fits them and the Chapter the best.  They are not concerned about whether they get a position on a committee or get to be the officer who leads the committee.  They are not concerned about whether their office position is on the executive committee or not.  They are not concerned about the status or prestige associated with certain office or committee positions.  The position of Fund Raising Chair, for example, is taken quite seriously.  In other words, one need not be the President for the position one serves in to be highly regarded and honorable.

During my undergraduate days in my now-inactive home Chapter, people clamored for certain positions, primarily office positions.  Being "just" a committee member was very lightly regarded and that lack of respect was true even for certain office positions.  There seemed to be a certain mentality that involved being driven to serve on the Executive Committee for as long as possible and to hold certain positions at the right time (e.g. Spring Semester) so as to stay on the top row of the Chapter's composite photograph as many times as possible even if not on the Executive Committee.  Being on the top row of the composite multiple times was an effective way of getting attention, as well as for posterity through the years and generations of active Brothers who may view the composite in the future.  Having a dreadful hairstyle for one of those top row photos would be all the more effective in getting attention at the present time and through the years.  Holding certain positions at the right times to stay on the top row for multiple years was definitely status related.

The obvious irony is the fact that my home Chapter is now inactive while the new local Chapter is thriving.  Another thing I find rather ironic is that certain people in my home Chapter were not actually that well qualified for the positions they held.  They were just driven, persuasive, and headstrong.  Unfortunately they were neither particularly thoughtful nor bright.  On the other hand, the men in the new local Chapter are very well qualified for the positions they serve in and sometimes even for some positions they did not get to serve in.  When it comes down to it, serving in the Fraternity means exactly that - serving.  The cutthroat mentality is more appropriate for being a ruler, not a servant.  One can not serve the Fraternity effectively when trying to rule their Chapter.  A Chapter is not meant to be ruled.

Mark 10: 35-45

Something for Nothing

During the past couple of weeks I have been planning my big ski trip for the season.  In recent years I have been more interested in multi-day, hut-to-hut, backcountry ski tours than in vacations to destination ski resorts.  Besides, these tours generally begin and end near destination resorts anyway.  The Chamonix-Zermatt Haute Route comes to mind.  Those that don't begin and end near resorts tend to have their home base at a resort.  For example, the Tour de Soleil in Switzerland's eastern Valais does not begin or end at a ski resort but the base of operations for this tour is in Andermatt in the nearby Canton of Uri.  In other words, if I wanted to get a dose of resort skiing, I could easily get it in addition to whatever tour I choose to go on.

The act of choosing is a task in and of itself because I would like to go on a vast majority of tours offered by any one given tour company.  And then there are tours provided by some companies but not others.  In other words, there is a STAGGERING number of scheduled tours one could go on.  However, just like any ski trip, going on a tour will cost a bit of money.  Furthermore, that kind of travel tends to use up a lot of work holidays.  Where I am from in the United States, we tend to have a relative shortage of work holidays compared to most other 1st world countries.  Therefore, I do not expect to go on more than one tour of this sort per year.

Needless to say, going on every tour I would like to go on would be a project that could take several years, if not decades.  Although I am single now I am nevertheless aware of the fact that this sort of activity is not very compatible with raising a family.  When one has children, one's world becomes smaller.  Travel becomes less exotic and more ordinary.  Priorities change, and rightly so.

But even before that, marriage could change things as well.  Decisions about certain matters, particularly vacations, are made together, not independently.  One's life is not entirely one's own when one is married.  Compromises sometimes have to be made and that would get in the way of doing what one would like to do in a timely manner.  A celibate vocation would be difficult as well, given the matter regarding the vow of poverty, not to mention other duties typically associated with such a vocation.  A $3000+ vacation that takes nearly 2 weeks may not be so feasible or well-regarded.  One's life is not one's own when living any kind of celibate vocation.  Compromises sometimes have to be made and that would get in the way of doing what one would like to do in a timely manner.

Finding a vocation, whether married or celibate, is not about having a list of lifestyle-related expectations and seeing who or what fits them the best.  It's about making oneself the right kind of person for whoever or whatever one is destined for.  It's not about selfishly imposing one's will upon one's vocation and treating it like a decoration or status symbol.  It's about humbly putting others' needs before one's own wants.  It's about being willing to let go.

Being married or celibate is generally considered to be more desirable than being perpetually single.  But the more desirable vocations come at a price.  One has to be willing to make compromises.  The only vocation that comes with seemingly endless flexibility and very few strings attached is being single.  But that also has considerably less reward and generally gets less respect.

In my case, I should also consider the fact that each tour I've gone on was my first choice tour among those that still remained.  So if I've already done the tours I most wanted, the decision should be easy then, right?  Not quite.  Although the tours that remain do not seem quite as appealing as the tours I've already done, they are still WAY "cooler" than any family-friendly vacation or anything within the budget or time constraints associated with a celibate vocation.  So the question is, am I willing to lose a good deal of my independent and adventurous spirit for the sake of gaining a rightful place in my life and getting out of this unsettled transitional state known as singlehood?  No sacrifice means no reward...

Mark 10: 17-27

Swingers

Back in the olden days, it was common for men and women, each individually, to meet their future spouse during the first half of their 20s, sometimes even earlier.  Looking around the world today, the idea of that does seem rather quaint and dated, now doesn't it?  Many people think they're too "cool" to settle down at such a young age.  Being a "swinger" keeps you young while settling down and starting a family makes you old.  Living that kind of single lifestyle seems to be a form of vanity, a means of seeking status.  It's all about being good with the ladies or getting all the guys.  Getting married "early" would put a "premature" end to that extended adolescence and many people will have no part of that!

Unfortunately this kind of social climate has complicated matters for those who just wish to settle down.  There are simply far fewer like-minded people around to choose from than there had been decades ago.  It's no longer necessarily good enough to just be the right kind of person for someone else, whoever that someone ends up being.  That someone is simply less likely to cross paths with you because there are fewer people like them in existence.  So even those who do act their age end up settling down at a later age than people did decades ago.

Now what about the swingers who have poisoned the social climate with their desire to stroke their egos?  Well, they get married too, eventually - and often reluctantly.  The guy notices that he's not getting the ladies like he used to so he decides to settle down with whatever girlfriend he happens to be with at the time.  The girl feels her biological clock ticking so she suddenly decides to get serious about her relationships and settle down with whatever guy she's dating, or sort of dating, at the time.  Not exactly convincing recipes for success.  So what is it these people used to be good at when they were slightly younger?  Not much, really.  Basically, they were good at being manipulative, which is a skill that will get you nowhere in the long run unless every hour of your existence is spent in the business world, and then that would be a very meaningless life.  So when their youthful looks begin to fade, they have nothing really going for them.

Someone who's more mature and family-oriented will eventually lose their youthful looks as well but they have many other qualities about them just waiting to be discovered by someone else.  I know some happily married people who are still discovering beautiful things about their spouses that they did not know before.  Yes, even after they're already married.  And then each individual is always changing and developing too, thus introducing the potential for even more pleasant surprises.  Sometimes they even learn something about themselves that they did not know before.  It's almost as if that spouse brings out the best in them.  Marriage may not be considered "cool" in certain crowds these days but it is definitely GOOD!

Mark 10: 2-12

To do what ought to be done...

My Fraternity, Phi Delta Theta, was founded in December of 1848 during the semester break at Miami University in Oxford, Ohio by six close friends.  One of them, Robert Morrison, is known to have said "to do what ought to be done, but would not have been done had I not done it, I thought to be my duty."  What's important is what needs to get done more so than who does it.

There might be a need for someone to fill a specific position on the Chapter Advisory Board for a local Phi Delt Chapter.  There might be a need for a local Phi Delt Alumni Club to get started.  It is indeed a very good thing if at least one person has the desire to step in to address at least one of these needs.  Although I would feel honored to be the one who is responsible for filling a specific CAB position or for starting a local Alumni Club, I would not feel slighted if someone else were to address one or more of those needs.  What's important is that these things get done.

As an undergraduate it was difficult to think like that.  Each individual wants to make a name for himself.  Each individual wants to leave a legacy of great influence.  Most of us had not yet established ourselves in life yet.  So if someone else were to address a certain need by taking a key office or committee position, the person left behind may feel slighted.  At that age it was fairly common to lack a certain level of maturity.  But after time passes by we realize that it really was needless to become disappointed about someone else getting to serve in a certain capacity rather than us.  What's important is that things got done.  And in the end, we are all Brothers working together.

Numbers 11: 25-29
Mark 9: 38-43, 45, 47-48

The High you just can't chase

Have you ever tried to catch, or get a good photograph of, a butterfly?  Well, it doesn't take much to catch one.  All you have to do is sit still and wait.  There's a pretty reasonable chance that it will land close to you or in a place where it's easy to see.  However, if you were to try to pursue it, you would have a more difficult time catching it or getting that perfect shot.  But people are not naturally inclined to sit and wait because we want to have control of our destinies.  We do not want to take a chance that sitting and waiting could result in the butterfly landing in the wrong spot for us because we lack patience and thus want to take matters into our own hands.

We've all heard about people who look for love in all the wrong places.  Everyone has their own story but there's usually some emotional pain they're erasing or some feeling of validation they are seeking.  They seek sexual healing, except that it's not healing.  Promiscuity ensues because they keep chasing that happiness that never seems to get any closer.  They're never satisfied.

Most people are probably also aware of how prevalent drug use is in our society.  Let's start with marijuana, a.k.a. "pot," "weed," "the reefer."  We like to think that it's not addictive or harmful and that it will take the edge off our misery if we're feeling troubled.  Well, it does take the edge off our misery but the more we use it the less effective it becomes.  I had a few friends who used to "blaze" a few times per week but then it became a daily ritual.  Eventually, they were blazing multiple times per day not even to get high anymore but just to feel normal so as to avoid feeling too depressed.  If this is how it is with a "less harmful" drug like marijuana, it would very likely be even worse with a more serious drug.  There is a reason why getting high is often referred to as "chasing."  One never quite gets where they're trying to go.  They're chasing a high that they had once before but just can't seem to reach again.

You can't achieve happiness by "trying too hard."  It is not something that you can chase.  It is something that will come to you if you allow it to.  Just like a butterfly, sometimes it will come to you, sometimes it won't.  You just have to be patient.  Now that does not mean sit around and do nothing.  Lying down in bed all day or sitting on your couch watching television all day or aimlessly surfing the internet all day will accomplish nothing and could even cause you to feel more depressed.  But if you proceed through life as you normally would, assuming you stay reasonably active, and keep an open mind, open heart, and open eyes, you can find happiness.  Or rather, it can find you.

James 3:16 - 4:3
Mark 9: 30-37

The moment that you want is coming if you give it time

In June of 2010 I went hiking for the first time in more than a year.  My desire to recover properly from anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) reconstruction in one of my knees prevented me from hiking during the summer of 2009.  Although this first post-surgery hike was a short hike, ascending only 1800 vertical feet (550m) on a very heavily climbed mountain in southwestern New Hampshire, I found that my ACL's recovery was more than adequate for climbing on steep and uneven terrain.  So I went on a few more hiking trips that summer.

One of my goals for a long time had been to summit both North and South Twin Mountain.  Several years ago, I often stayed overnight at a bunkhouse near the village of Twin Mountain.  This village was a great location in the winter if you wanted to ski at either Cannon Mountain (Olympic Champion ski racer Bode Miller's true home ski mountain) or Bretton Woods (a mountain Bode Miller did adverts for at some point, claiming it was his home ski mountain).  It was a great location in the summer if you wanted to hike anywhere in the White Mountains from Kinsman Ridge to Mount Washington and the southern Presidential Range.  The far northern, southern, and eastern bits of the White Mountains may not have been all that convenient from this spot but it covered the core of the White Mountains quite well.  Although the actual physical appearance of the village itself may seem a bit fake and overly commercial (it's understandably a touristy place), Twin Mountain's location amongst the mountains and valleys is exquisite!

The view to the east is a substantial bit of the Presidential Range.  The view to the south is a looming monolith consisting of the village's namesakes - North Twin Mountain and South Twin Mountain - and these are much closer than the Presidential Range.  Having already taken care of some standard destination summits such as select mountains from the Presidential Range and the Franconia Ridge as well as Mount Moosilauke, my attention was pretty firmly fixed on the Twin Mountains after it was clear to me that I was ready to hike once again, this time with a reconstructed ACL.

The standard way to the summit of the taller Twin, South Twin Mountain, was via the Gale River Trail.  It would miss North Twin Mountain and I was going to have none of that!  However, adding North Twin Mountain to this route would add another 750 vertical feet (230m) to a hike that was already going to climb 3400 vertical feet (1040m).  During this summer I made it a point to gradually increase the amount of vertical from one hike to the next to see how my knee would handle it.  I did not deem it prudent to just jump from my previous 2700 foot (820m) hike up Mount Chocorua to a 4150 foot (1260m) hike here.

So I chose instead to go up South Twin via North Twin.  The distance hiked would be similar to the Galehead route but this time it would include North Twin and I wanted to do both Twins.  This looked like a reasonably short hike on the map because it only ascended 2950 feet (900m) to get to North Twin and the ridge between North and South Twin did not look that daunting.  So I made up my mind to do this one next.  But upon closer examination, I found that climbing 450 feet (140m) up South Twin and then 300 feet (90m) to reascend North Twin on the return trip would make this a 3700 foot (1130m) hike.  Each segment on its own did not look like much but they have a way of adding up.  I decided to do it anyway so I did.

After having climbed 3400 feet (1040m) to get to the top of South Twin I felt really good.  Looking down and to the west I could see Galehead Mountain less than a mile away.  It was so close that I could clearly see the details of the Galehead Hut.  This made it very tempting to just go down the west side and bag another 4000 foot (1220m) summit.  Looking to the south, the Bonds (Mount Guyot, West Bond, Mount Bond, Bondcliff) did not appear very far away even though they are in the core of the Pemigewasset Wilderness and are some of the most remote summits amongst all of the White Mountains.  The ridges appeared to undulate very gently between South Twin and the Bonds.  This made it tempting to just push further and bag an additional four (4) 4000-footers.

So I looked at the map and guidebook to assess the situation.  Going to the summit of Galehead would turn my 11.2 mile (18.0 km), 3700 foot (1130m) hike into a 13.8 mile (22.2 km), 5150 foot (1570m) hike.  If I were to choose instead to continue south to the Bonds, my hike would be 21.2 miles (34.1 km) and 6250 vertical feet (1900m).  Even 3700 vertical feet (1130m) was already pushing the upper limit of what I was comfortable doing on this particular hike so I elected to stick with the old plan and just head back down now that I reached the summits I had intended to reach.

It has been 2 years since I had elected not to go beyond South Twin Mountain and, seeing how quickly my hiking season is coming to an end due to other travels, that wait will likely become 3 years before I get to those mountains that seemed so tantalizingly close on that hike.  Looking back, I realize that I very possibly could have pulled off one of those hiking trip extensions.  Since then I had gone on some bigger hikes than the Twins, including one where I covered approximately 18 miles (29 km) and climbed approximately 6900 vertical feet (2100m) in a single day (it was not originally planned that way, in case you were wondering).  My knee did not bother me on any of them.

But hindsight is always 20/20 and nobody can predict the future.  Nevertheless I do sometimes feel regret about playing it exceedingly safe that day, mostly because I wonder how it could take so long to get to something that I had come so close to getting to earlier.  This is merely an example of the limitations of my humanity.  We humans are not known for being patient.  We want instant results.  When things don't seem to go according to plan or when they appear delayed we assume that something has gone dreadfully wrong.

As it turns out, the Bonds could easily be done in a 2-day backpacking trip.  A 3-day weekend would not be necessary.  Even if it does not happen this year, it could very easily happen next year.  If one were to approach from the north via the Gale River Trail, Galehead Mountain could easily be taken care of as well.

Let's follow this scenario.  I could drive up from work on Friday evening to the Gail River Trailhead and sleep in my car there (sadly, the bunkhouse I used to stay at several years ago is no longer in operation).  On Saturday morning I could head up the Gale River Trail and make my way to South Twin and then Mount Guyot.  If I'm doing pretty well on time at that point I could head over to Zealand Mountain to bag another 4000-footer and then back to Guyot to continue on my way.  At the Guyot Campsite I could set up camp.  If it's still nice and early and if I'm still feeling pretty good I could continue south and summit West Bond, Mount Bond, and Bondcliff.  That would be an excellent day of hiking, complete with some quality time spent in the Pemigewasset Wilderness!

If I don't get to either Zealand or to the Bonds on Saturday, or if I miss all 4 of those summits, I could start with the Bonds on Sunday morning instead.  Zealand would be an on-the-spot decision, if it comes down to that, on the way back while on the summit of Guyot.  Continuing north from Guyot I would go over south Twin again on the way to the Galehead Hut.  From there I would do a quick up-and-back to reach the summit of Galehead Mountain and then I would continue west from the Galehead Hut on the Garfield Ridge Trail.  When I get to the top of the Gale River Trail again I could see how I'm doing on time and how I'm feeling.  If things are going really well I could continue west to Mount Garfield, then head down the Garfield Trail to its trailhead and then walk a little over a mile (~2 km) on the loop road to the Gale River Trailhead where my car would be parked.  From there I would make my way down to Boston for a Sunday evening Mass.

In addition to South Twin, which I've already summitted, I would also get at least 5 additional 4000-footers.  Incidentally they would be all 5 summits that I had considered when standing on the South Twin summit 2 years ago - Zealand, Guyot, West Bond, Bond, Bondcliff - and I would get them all on the same trip!  If things go really well I might even be able to add another 2 to that list - Zealand and Garfield - making a total of seven (7) 4000-footers in addition to South Twin which I had already summitted earlier.  Although it may not always seem that way, things do have a way of working out.  And not only do they have a way of working out, but they have a way of working out quite beautifully.

Mark 8: 27-35

Big Bang - it's just a THEORY!

MIDWEST

When I was younger the question most people asked me when trying to get to know me was "what do you do for fun?"  The key word, of course, is "trying" because they wanted to know what kinds of bars I go to, if any, or what kinds of clubs I go to, if any.  Would it have killed them to just leave it as an open-ended question?

I always loved recreational activities but bars, and especially clubs, were not near the top of my list.  I loved eating out at nice restaurants when in town but most of all I was into outdoor activity such as skiing, hiking, and paddling.  I was one of those crunchy types who was pretty well versed in wilderness ethics but also had it in me to go on some epic ski runs down the mountain.  The problem was that I was living in the midwest at the time so I was TOTALLY out of my element.  I was merely dismissed as lame because these people are not familiar with the granola culture.  So they saw me as what I was not, rather than what I was.

TELLURIDE

So I moved out to Telluride, Colorado.  When I was there, I was living a good ski bum life.  Now I had lived a pretty sheltered life up to that point and skiing was no different.  I skied at Gore Mountain most of the time as a child growing up in upstate New York and because Gore is not in New England or Quebec, it's not one of the big name places that people have actually heard of.  Although I now know that the terrain at Gore is at least as legit as, and sometimes better than, the terrain at the more glamorous eastern ski areas, I did not know that back then because my experience with the other ski areas was limited to very few, if any, ski days.  It was just not enough to make a fair comparison because there was still the whole lingering novelty of having actually gone to some of those places that the other kids were constantly talking about.

So when I was in Telluride, I hated the question "where did you usually ski back east?"  If I answered honestly by saying "Gore Mountain," the response was often "where?!"  If someone is that unfamiliar with eastern skiing then they really should not even bother asking me where I used to ski back east.  But anyway, I had many reasons for going out west to be a ski bum and one of them was to get away from my sheltered life and bury that too-humble past by going on a big ski trip that would trump all of the ski trips all those snobs I went to school with ever went on, including the "Vail crew" that all went as a group together in a very low-risk move on their part (please see http://reflections-on-the-water.blogspot.com/2012/03/establishment-wants-you-to-play-it-safe.html).  Needless to say, I did not appreciate these people's attempts to force my past back into my life in the slightest, especially given that I was in the process of freeing myself from my past.  Besides, just the fact that I was living in Telluride mainly for the purpose of engaging in outdoor activities should have spoken volumes about me but apparently it wasn't enough of a hint for these thick headed people.

BURLINGTON

After I felt satisfied about having sufficiently made up for some lost time while in Telluride, I went to Burlington, Vermont to finish my university studies at the University of Vermont (UVM).  We all know that the drinking culture is big at most secular universities.  However, Burlington is a small enough town so that university life dominates the town.  If binge drinking does not happen to be a particular interest of yours then you probably have a low (a.k.a. NATURAL) tolerance and can't hold excessive amounts of alcohol all that well.  This makes you a "lightweight" which is another way of labeling someone as "weak."  It doesn't matter if there are other things you are good at.

I was into the music scene, more so than most people, but in this small town the only time my kind of music was relevant was when Godsmack, Adema, and Ill Nino came through town (dating myself, I know) - and that was really a freak thing.  Everything else was either top 40, dance-pop (there was no good hip-hop anymore at that point so I refuse to call it hip-hop), or hippy-dippy stuff.  Having the stamina to go on a big hike or the ability to ski a difficult trail (or off piste) was not something anyone talked about nor are they the sorts of things one would brag about anyway.  So it all comes down to holding your alcohol.  If you can't hold your alcohol it really just means that binge drinking does not happen to be a particular interest of yours but in this environment it makes you a "lightweight," "weak," or "goody-two-shoes."

Bear in mind that this is an environment where there's a widespread assumption that certain occasions mean that certain people WILL be drunk.  Sadly, I'm not just referring to house parties or fraternity parties either - at least those would be understandable even if they're neither moral nor prudent.  Some notable examples of certain other occasions include the Greek Games and the annual Greek Awards ceremony.

The Greek Games should represent friendly competition in events that have little or nothing to do with actual athletic ability and they are a chance to showcase Fraternity spirit (banners, colors, songs, chants, etc.) but some people turn it into a rowdy drinkfest complete with pre-gaming.  The Interfraternity Council (IFC) expresses disapproval about this in the aftermath of the event every year.  I mean, why should IFC even bother troubling themselves with the planning of the Greek Games, and all the stress and drama associated with such planning, if they could have just thrown a huge outdoor party instead?  They certainly had their reasons for wanting to do the Greek Games every year but none of them are comfortable with individually going to their misbehaving colleagues in their respective chapters to tell them that excessive drinking before and during the Greek Games tarnishes the occasion.  They would get ridiculed and the boneheads of their chapters are not going to listen anyway.

The annual Greek Awards ceremony should be a time to recognize and celebrate the achievements of chapters that have had exceptionally good programming in all aspects of Greek life, such as community service, new member education, social programming, etc.  There are also individual awards given out to recognize various student leaders, of which the Greek community typically has many.  But there is a widespread assumption that most people there will be drunk, and therefore most people picking up awards will be drunk.  It's treated in conversation like it's a given and questioning that assumption would make one out to be "goody-two-shoes" or "too rigid."  Don't get me wrong, this is a fun occasion too, complete with awards such as "most likely to get plastic surgery" and "most likely to get carded at age 40" but if you watch the ESPY awards or any entertainment awards show on television you can see that they rib one another at those ceremonies as well - and the vast majority of them are sober.

The problem with the UVM, and therefore the Burlington, social environment is that it was too alcohol centered.  In a bigger city where there is still a lot of alcohol consumed per capita, at least it's not treated as the be all and end all.  Why is it that in Burlington, the ability to hold alcohol is all that matters?  Why not the music scene?  Why not sports?  Why not hobbies and interests?  Why not outdoor stuff?  (There are mountains right nearby!)  The social diversity that can easily be found in a big city is severely lacking in a small town like Burlington.  I knew I would be respected more as an individual in a region that's more densely populated so I knew I was going to move out of Burlington upon finishing my university studies.

MORE RECENT YEARS

In more recent years there has been one dominant question that people insist on asking when they are trying to get to know me.  The key word, of course, is "trying."  They want to know what I do for work.  Would it really kill them to choose instead to ask me what I do for fun or what kinds of music I listen to?  Better still, they should just chat with me or just observe me in conversation to get to know me without forcing contrived answers.  My work does not define who I am as a person.  It's just where I happened to land.  Unfortunately, most people are very backward and pass judgment based upon what one does for work.  Once they are told what someone does for work, it colors their perception of that person's character.  Anything they learn about that other person afterward is merely interpreted in terms of their own prejudiced opinion about that person.  In other words, they learn nothing further because they are closed-minded.

Because my work is in the sciences, all sorts of stereotypes and caricatures form in people's minds.  They look a bit like the television show "Big Bang Theory," which is just shockingly bad and grossly exaggerated.  NOBODY could be THAT inept!  Curiously though, many people in my line of work or similar sorts of work seem to think such a portrayal is accurate and are content with perpetuating what is undeniably a very negative stereotype.  A problem lies in their tendency to label themselves and the rest of the group as a whole.  They just don't understand the concept of speaking for oneself rather than speaking for the entire group.  Some will also do or say things that make their colleagues look bad, even when the colleagues do nothing to make themselves look bad.  In the end, those who do not deserve to be labelled in such a dubious manner are made "guilty by association."  Certain people really need to learn to market themselves or their group in ways that make them more appealing.  Some lessons about the finer points of Fraternity recruitment would have been helpful.


Wait, did I mention that I don't like people trying to label me?


James 2: 1-5

Being a fairweather fan = neither difficult nor rewarding

Being a true fan of a sports team is an honorable thing.  You generally have more loyalty than the players and staff, which is a matter of confusion for people who just don't understand the sports culture.  The thing is, personnel changes are part of the game and sports fans pay a great deal of attention to them.  In fact, even on their own they are a popular topic of speculation and discussion amongst sports fans, especially when a trade deadline approaches or a transfer window is about to close.  But the true test of loyalty comes when the fan's team becomes mediocre.  Any sports fan worth their salt can pretty easily wrap their head around personnel changes but only the most loyal fans will maintain an interest in a team that is just not that good.

Now losing interest is understandable.  For many fans, their team becoming mediocre just means they pay less attention to what's happening.  We all have a lot of things going on in our lives, not all of which are sports-related.  However, there are other "fans" who will not only pay less attention to their old team but will go as far as to jump on the bandwagon for an entirely different team.

In some ways these fairweather fans have it easy.  They never have to endure the trials or difficulties of losing seasons or other mediocre years.  They don't even have to deal with perennial postseason or end-of season disappointments when a certain team is pretty decent.  For them, "their team" never falls short.  On the other hand, these "fans" never experience the elation associated with their team winning a coveted trophy.  They take it for granted that they have chosen wisely and that "their team" will win a trophy pretty regularly because that team's name is constantly changing.  On the contrary, a true fan fully understands how rare an opportunity it is for their team to win, or even contend for, a trophy.  The trophy-winning campaign is thus much more rewarding for a true fan than it is for a fairweather fan.  Although a fairweather fan does not experience as much difficulty or frustration as a true fan does, he also does not get to fully experience the special moment when the trophy is won the way a true fan does.

John 6: 60-69

Status Seeker

Living lives of shallow leisure is exactly that - shallow.  People largely engage in foolishness, drunkenness, and debauchery to show off.  It's all nothing more than status seeking.  There's so much more to life than that.  Besides, this status seeking mentality is what causes people to be cruel to one another.

Prv 9: 1-6
Eph 5: 15-20

You know me...well, you think you do

Do you ever sometimes feel like no matter what you've achieved or accomplished in life, those who knew you ages ago or have known you for a long time just don't take you seriously?  That's how I feel when I come across an alumni newsletter from a school I've gone to or when I encounter fellow alumni who I never really cared for (these days I generally only associate with the alumni I was actually friends with back in the day).  That's how I used to feel when finding old schoolmates on Facebook a few years back (I have since deleted most of them).  That's how I used to feel in friendships or other relationships that were going nowhere (I have since cut off communication with these negative influences).

The thing is, once certain people get to know you a certain way, their mind will not be open to any changes that occur.  On the other hand, people who have known you more recently, but more intimately, are the ones who really know you better for who you really are now, not who you were ages ago, and not who they feel like perceiving you to be.  Your whole outlook on life is influenced by the people you choose to associate with.  Thus, you might as well associate with those who actually respect you.

John 6: 41-51

Hollow Years

Last weekend, I celebrated my birthday party in my apartment because bad weather prevented me from being able to keep it outdoors in a park.  Because of this, one of my guests discovered that I was a fellow fan of the rock and roll band known as Dream Theater.  A poster on my wall gave it away for him.  Well, this brought back all kinds of memories for me (or perhaps they were "Scenes from a Memory," lol).  Back in the 1990s I was absolutely in love with the music of Dream Theater.  That carried over into the 2000s.  Even though I have not seen them in concert since 2007, one could argue that I am still a Dream Theater fan.  This is not the sort of thing that's "just a phase" that one passes through.

My first acquaintance with their music was back in the early 1990s when the song "Pull Me Under" was making its way through the rock radio airwaves.  Bear in mind though that I am originally from upstate New York where a Canadian rock band known as Rush (one of Dream Theater's influences) was almost as popular as they were in Canada.  Furthermore, most of the Dream Theater guys at the time were from Long Island (one notable exception is Kevin James LaBrie, their singer from the early 1990s forward, who is from Penetanguishene, Ontario - pretty firmly in Rush territory).  I suppose it's not surprising then that there were a number of other songs from that "Images and Words" album that also made their way onto the rock radio airwaves in my hometown.

Although 1992's "Images and Words" piqued my curiosity, I was not really following them that closely at the time.  That came right after 1994's "Awake" album came out.  The key word, of course, is "after."  Although Dream Theater was not getting much airplay in most of the country this time around, songs such as "Caught in a Web" and "Lie" were getting treated quite well in my hometown.  At this point I was a full-fledged fan in that I was on the lookout for upcoming releases, developments, and other band-related news.

The release in 1995 was merely a bunch of live covers thrown together with never-before-released "A Change of Seasons."  Well, "A Change of Seasons," was not a new song by any stretch of the imagination.  Back in 1989, it was one of the earliest songs written in preparation for what was to be the upcoming "Images and Words" album but it never made it onto that album so it made it onto this 1995 EP instead.  Although the sound of the recording seemed reminiscent of "Awake," the musical style was unmistakeably reminiscent of "Images and Words."  This release was meant to appease the really old-school fans but it was also meant to tide all of us over until the next full-length album.

Needless to say, there was an enormous amount of anticipation leading up to this album on my end.  This would be the first time I closely followed what was going on BEFORE a Dream Theater album was released.  Based upon their body of work up to this point, there was every reason to believe this album would be absolutely EPIC!  In 1997, the "Falling Into Infinity" album was released, which included 2 songs that became amongst my all-time favorites.  Unfortunately, most of the rest of the album was rather pedestrian.  I was very disappointed.  When I saw them on the 1998 tour, I heard some music playing during a set break with the distinctive voice of James LaBrie.  The music was really catchy but was not from any of the Dream Theater albums up to this point so I assumed it was from James's former band Winter Rose.  I learned years later that these were really good Dream Theater songs that did not make it onto "Falling Into Infinity."

Dream Theater went the concept album route in 1999 which was interesting but not as melodic as many of the songs recorded during the "Falling Into Infinity" sessions.  Their 2002 double album was decent but not as well-written as their earlier work.  In all subsequent releases they were merely mortal.

When "Falling Into Infinity" was being written, they were trying to survive as a band.  Their label was undergoing a great deal of change, and therefore turnover, which made it really hard to maintain relationships with people who believed in their unique vision.  Instead they had to deal with new suits that saw them as just another name on a roster with one lone "hit" called "Pull Me Under" from 4 years earlier, which was before the massive corporate overhaul (a.k.a. "prehistoric time").  These new suits could refuse to give Dream Theater the green light to begin work on, and then release, an album.  To say that Dream Theater was under pressure to make "hits" or "singles" or "commercially viable" music would be a massive understatement.  But this sort of approach goes totally against Dream Theater's mission or vision.  So a lot of compromises were made and some good songs were altered in the name of commerce, except that all these changes did nothing for them commercially while managing to alienate their fans.

"Falling Into Infinity" was to me "the great album that never was," especially if one were to choose songs from both their album and their demo recordings and make a single CD (80 minutes or less) out of the selections.  There never was another album that had this much potential for greatness again, at least none steeped with so many memories and so much nostalgia for me.  The earlier albums simply came out too early for me to have followed their development BEFORE they were released.  In other words, I never had it all as a Dream Theater fan.  But that's exactly how it is with worldly things.  You never have it all because there's always something that's either missing or could have been different.  There's always something that leaves you wanting.  Where do you think artist angst comes from?

John 6: 24-35

One Man is No Man

A few weeks ago I went to a Phi Delta Theta Fraternity Convention.  Although it has its official reasons for convening regularly, it is also a chance to meet other like-minded guys who really want to do something good for the Fraternity.  When one goes as an undergraduate or as a very recent alumnus, I would be neither by the way, it is easy to get all fired up, inspired, and motivated to go back to your chapter or locale and really make things happen.  But then one gets back to where they came from only to find that they are all alone in their great ambition.  Nobody else from their chapter or locale was at Convention.  For the rest it was just the same old routine, as usual.  Some places might have a few guys at Convention but not very many and they would be the exception rather than the rule anyway.  In other words, the population at one of these Conventions is very skewed.

As someone who's pretty solidly a member of the alumni ranks these days, I fully understand that most people in my locale are not all that excited about fellowship with their Brother Phis.  They are not going to be like the super-skewed population that one finds at Convention.  It's much like being a very enthusiastic undergraduate amongst a majority of people who are more interested in "what's in it for me?"  The alumni population is generally more interested in networking than in fellowship.  People really do not change much with age.

If you're trying to start a local alumni club, trying to be a good Chapter Advisory Board member according to the Fraternity's standards and expectations, or trying to implement or revamp a program in your undergraduate chapter, it can seem overwhelming if you feel like you're alone in this effort.  What you have to offer just does not seem like nearly enough.  Our Fraternity's open motto is "One Man is No Man."  It means "we enjoy life by the help and society of others."  You don't need to win over the majority of people in your chapter or locale or even a very large number of them.  You only need a few hands to help you along.  It is amazing what you can accomplish if you just do your small part and a few other people do the same.  Suddenly things no longer seem so overwhelming.  What little you have to offer actually gets a lot done, just as long as you offer it.  Robert Morrison, one of our founders, said "To do what ought to be done but would not have been done unless I did it, I thought to be my duty."

John 6: 1-15

High-maintenance

Friends happen.  You don't always pick them.  Sometimes, however, these friendships that were not by choice end up being the closest and most intimate friendships.  They could also be the most involved and labor intensive.  You could put a lot into it, you could bend over backwards to accommodate your friend, you could try to compensate for your friend's shortcomings, but still find that it never gets easier - much like a thankless job.  Some people are just high-maintenance while others are erratic and unpredictable.  After all, these are the friends we did not consciously choose but nevertheless ended up with because of family connections, an affinity group, common interests, a chance encounter, etc.  Given that you did not voluntarily choose them, it is not all that surprising when these people come with a whole host of issues that you end up having to help them through.

Most people are apt to give it up after putting in a lot of work only to have it go seemingly unnoticed and unappreciated time and time again.  Others will just keep soldiering forth and will continue to tolerate the difficult and burdensome ways of their involuntary friend.  In other words, they will treat this person like family - someone you stick with no matter what just because you deem it to be the right thing to do.  Sticking with this kind of friend could seem like an unnecessary burden so it is certainly understandable that most people would just make a clean break and move on.  But those that stick with such a difficult friend are likely to consider this: "as hard as it is for me, how much harder would it be for them if I were not there for them to share the burden they did not choose but were given anyway?" 

Mark 6: 30-34

Paul is NOT dead

Every once in a while I go down to Brighton on a Saturday morning to meet with a small group of friends from Church.  This little group is called "yHope," which stands for "Young Heralds of Pauline Evangelization."  We can all agree on what we do when we meet.  Mass, Adoration, Praise & Worship, Discussion - typically 2 or 3 of the 4 on any given Saturday.  But if one were to ask what our mission or purpose was, no two people would give the same answer.

Since this is my blog I will provide my answer.  Our purpose is to evangelize - Pauline style.  And we are young.  Saint Paul was a living witness of the Faith to many people who had no prior exposure to it.  He spent time in each place he visited to familiarize himself with the people and the culture and then taught them the faith in a way that they could most easily relate to.  In other words, he met them halfway.  This is what I generally try to do with this blog.  It is geared toward an audience that may not be all that familiar with all the fancy, snazzy, intellectual psychobabble you hear or read sometimes from the more academically inclined.

When the original Twelve apostles were sent out "two by two" to proclaim the Kingdom of God (3rd Luminous Mystery of the Rosary, by the way), they had little or no formal training.  They never went to seminary, they never did formal spiritual exercises, they never read books from authors whose names are nearly impossible to pronounce, they did not use big and fancy words or phrases.  They just received the Word of God and then passed it along.  Saint Paul took this proclamation a step further and brought it to foreign lands.

Evangelizing is not just teaching or speaking.  Most of it is just living your life as a witness to the Faith.  As the saying goes, "always preach the Gospel, if necessary use words."  So what do a Weekday Mass, Adoration, Praise & Worship, and Discussion have to do with evangelization?  They make us strong and they reinforce our foundation such that the source of what we proclaim is always legit.  Well, doesn't Sunday Mass do the job?  It does but there's more.  A Saturday morning at yHope is like a snack between meals if you're engaged in a lot of physical activity.  It keeps you going.  Saturdays at yHope provide what we need to carry out our mission and serve our purpose which is to evangelize to the masses by being living examples of the Faith.

Mark 6: 7-13

The undead

Many years ago while I was in the waiting room at a doctor's office, I was watching what was on the television.  Well, usually when one goes to the doctor's office it's during the middle of a weekday which means there's a good chance that a daytime soap opera will be on.  Sure enough, I followed a story about a young woman who was in an open casket during a wake and many family members and friends came to pay their respects, but there was one big problem - she was not dead.  Every so often there would be a voice that sounded like the young woman's inner thoughts pleading for someone to listen carefully and notice that she is not really dead.  The only one who came and stayed close enough for a long enough time to hear the young woman was a sinister older woman who had apparently cast a spell on the young woman to make her appear dead.  The evil woman only came by for the purpose of talking to the young woman to tell her "you're going down!" or something to that effect.  Eventually the casket closed as the young woman screamed - but only in her own inner thoughts.

Ever since then I've sometimes had uncertain feelings when attending the wake of a family member.  I would wonder if I would be able to hear the person whisper, see them blink, or receive a thought that they beam toward me or something.  When it's a relative I'm particularly close to I would have a fleeting thought that I ought to make sure I do not allow a living person who just appears dead to get buried.  Even when I'm pretty sure that they're really not alive, I would wonder if maybe some sort of miracle will happen if I am attentive.  So I would keep going back to the casket, not really wanting to believe that they're gone - but just asleep.

To be fair, a lot of my reason for revisiting the open casket is not as much my refusal to believe that a beloved family member really is gone as it is my desire and duty to pay them the respect they deserve.  Wakes do tend to devolve into social hours and during some moments it seems as if nobody is paying attention to the person in the casket.  If it's a close relative, I see to it that they get attention.

Nevertheless, the refusal to believe that a close family member really is gone is quite natural.  It is a refusal to give up hope.  If the person is still dying, it could be the hope that they can be saved.  If the person passed away, it could be the hope that the person is not really gone.  If we accept that the person really is gone, it could be the hope that we will meet them again where there is rest.  Our love is what drives our hope.

Mark 5: 21-43

Halfway to Christmas!

We are nearing the end of June, which is 6 months away from the end of December.  Most people are well aware that the hype leading up to the end of December is due in large part to Christmas.  But there are some things that most people do not know.

One of those is the fact that today is another important Feast Day.  It is called the Nativity of Saint John the Baptist.  John the Baptist was exactly 6 months older than Jesus.  If Jesus was the headliner, John was a very highly regarded opening act.  He did what he needed to do and then Jesus eventually took over.  Just like the daylight after John's birthday, he decreased.  Just like the daylight after Jesus's birthday, He increased.  So in this day and age, Jesus is a big name even to those who see His birthday as just the culmination of a season of excess.

This, of course, brings to mind another thing that most people do not know.  Because Jesus increases from the start, it would mean that Christmas is just the beginning, and a rather humble beginning at that.  In this day and age, the humble day of His birth is surrounded by excess and shameless consumerism while the ever-increasing days afterward are treated like a hangover rather than a coming of age.  It's kind of backwards, isn't it?  Sadly, such a culture is unlikely to change.

But what we can do right is at least give some thought about John's birthday.  It's Sunday night now so it's a bit late to put something like this on your Facebook status but John's birthday comes around every year and will not stop so it would be worthy to try for next year.  Before we get there though, we have another Christmas at the halfway mark.  Let's try to be MORE focused on Jesus after the day itself during the Christmas Season and beyond, and less focused on the latest bells and whistles in the earlier bits of December (and late November).  We may not change the culture entirely but we can at least do our part.

Luke 1: 57-66, 80

A work in progress

I'm at an age during which a lot of my friends and acquaintances have small children.  One fellow, who seems rather easily agitated and anxious to begin with, was worrying about his infant's growth at specific periods of time.  I understand that extensive statistics are kept at every stage of a child's growth, especially during those first two years.  However, I'm also aware that children don't hit their various spurts at exactly the same times every time.  As a result, each child is likely to jump all over the place on the percentile scale depending upon when they're measured in relation to their most recent spurt or an upcoming spurt.

Unfortunately, the stereotypical pediatrician would never suggest such a thing because apparently it is their job to raise an alarm to cause panic in the concerned parents.  So when I told this acquaintance of mine "their height varies A LOT at such an early age," his response was "but they still keep stats on it."  Seriously?  Does this guy really think I'm that naive?  I've only known about such statistical records since I was IN HIGH SCHOOL!  I did not know what to say to this guy because I was not prepared for such an ignorant response.  Furthermore, I'm actually not 100% sure if small children really move all over the percentile scale at various times but it would sure make sense if they do.

I'm also at an age during which being single means that people who are older than me (or like to act as if they're older than me) think it's okay to tell me that maybe I'm not called to marriage.  Maybe I am, maybe I'm not.  Either way, they have no business making such a suggestion.  I'm still at the age during which that question is still very much up in the air, so no I'm not quite that old yet.  Furthermore, I look and act younger than what would generally be expected of someone my age.  If someone is going to treat me like I'm "old," then they need to treat me with the respect that someone that age deserves.  But if they choose instead to treat me with disrespect, then they better not treat me like I'm "old" because their lack of respect would suggest the contrary.  Even if I might not be called to marriage, they are DEFINITELY not called to ask me nosy and invasive questions nor are they called to tell me how to live a very personal and intimate aspect of my life.

I am a work in progress.  There may not be visible evidence right at this moment but that does not mean there is any downtime.  Parts of me may need healing that neither I nor anyone else know about.  I may need to develop and learn to be more steadfast in certain ways.  These changes take place in different people at different times and often in different sequences.  They take place in God's time, not in Man's time.  Unfortunately, there are too many "good" Catholics who just don't get this concept (in other words they don't even believe in God) but choose nonetheless to give unsolicited advice about people's personal lives.  Beware of the wolf in sheep's clothing.

Mark 4: 26-34

Living Sacrifice

I remember the first year I started attending Church regularly.  Before then, I only went if I was going with Grandma and only on Christmas or Easter and not even most Christmas and Easter Masses either.  I only went if I was invited AND felt like going, which was easily less than half the time.  Needless to say, during that first year of attending Mass regularly, the vast majority of the Feast Days and ordinary Sundays were completely new to me.  Of course, Christmas and Easter were largely unfamiliar territory as well as far as Church was concerned.

I distinctly remember the Feast of the Most Holy Body and Blood of Christ.  It was the first time I had attended Mass with Grandma during that first year as a regular attendee.  All previous Masses with Grandma were the occasional Christmas and Easter Masses of years past.  Although I have since heard hundreds of homilies, the one for this Feast Day that particular time is amongst the few I can still consciously remember.  Most others are only remembered in my subconscious mind - a bit like the placement of keys on a standard "qwerty" keyboard.

During the homily, the priest was emphasizing the point that Christ is, quite literally, present and that we ought to thus behave accordingly.  He addressed the way people clothe themselves and the way they carry themselves when approaching for Communion.  We are in the presence of a dignitary, a guest of honor.  This is not to be taken lightly.  You would not dress in shorts and t-shirts or dress immodestly nor would you ignore or overlook the guest of honor if you were approaching him face-to-face while at a grand banquet.  The same expectations apply while at Mass, especially a Sunday Mass.

It was all fairly obvious but it needed to be said.  Along those lines, there's a very simple way to determine if a certain Church service you attend while you're out of town fulfills the Sunday Mass obligation.  Did you either receive the true body and blood of Christ or have an opportunity to do so at that service?  Sure, a "Communion Service" with pre-consecrated hosts may satisfy the obligation but an actual Mass is preferable.  If you're on vacation, a mountaintop or beachside service may seem like a novel idea and you're certainly welcome to go to one.  But bear in mind that it only "counts" if you actually receive the true body and blood of Christ.  If you don't have an opportunity to receive at such a service, it's still okay to go but then you are also still obliged to find an additional service that does serve Communion, the true Living Sacrifice.  Jesus set this example during His final Passover meal and we've been following it ever since.

Mark 14: 12-16, 22-26

Rite of Passage

Sometimes a life-changing event comes along and because of a unique set of circumstances you find yourself in a position where you need to take on some responsibility.  This is the sort of thing you may not see coming, the sort of responsibilities you do not expect to have so soon.  But you step up and take them on nonetheless.

This is a rite of passage.  It is not pre-planned.  As a matter of fact, in some cases it would have seemed improbable just moments earlier.  But this is the sort of thing that builds character and perhaps some confidence as well.  It allows someone to believe in oneself.  It makes a boy into a man.  Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith without calling upon previous experience.

Matthew 28: 16-20

All that's done's forgiven...

The month of May has been pretty wild for me.  With the way everything has been going, it almost seems as if my life and the lives of those closest to me had been all planned out and timed very precicely - but not by us.  The reason I say this is because there were moments of great joy but also moments of great sadness.  Although we would have gladly planned the moments of great joy ourselves, we would never have willingly planned out the moments of great sadness.  We are human, after all, and humans generally do not freely accept suffering.  Nevertheless it seemed as if everything was timed so as to make those difficult moments a bit easier to swallow.  If there were any logistical things that needed to get sorted, sometimes help would come unexpectedly and only because of an earlier human "error."

All our lives, people come and go.  You never know when someone will enter your life but sometimes you don't see their departure coming either.  Nobody is perfect.  Every individual you know will have some things about them that gnaw at your spleen.  You might be curt with them or you might be impatient with them or you might speak to them or treat them in a patronizing manner, even when reaching out to them.  Certainly you would not do that every time.  After all, you enjoy their company enough and their good outweighs their bad enough such that you keep them in your life for a while.

But a while is never forever.  When they are gone, it is natural to think about how your last interaction with them went.  Did you listen to them talk about the mundane and boring details about their life while forgoing the opportunity to talk about your super-exciting week in full detail?  Basically, did you patiently and enthusiastically listen to them talk a lot  - about nothing?  Or did you push the conversation along to get every word in that you wanted to get in?  Were you patient with them or did you openly disapprove of their behavior when they really meant well but either just didn't know better or were just being themselves ("that's just the way they are")?  Do you sometimes resent feeling misunderstood by them and harbor somewhat of a grudge?

While they are in your life, it's easy to do or say the wrong things or to treat them not quite right.  It's also easy to feel slighted or mistreated by them or to be critical of them.  All of your concerns regarding dealing with them seem larger than life.  But when they are gone you wish you could go see them again, even if just to reconcile your differences or just for the sake of interacting with them in a way that leaves a good taste in your mouth - and in theirs.  All those concerns and gripes you once had now seem petty and trivial.  So the guilt sets in.  It's tempting to think that you should have been more forgiving when you still could.  But there is still a chance to make amends.  It's not easy because it requires you to actually forgive yourself.  But remember, in the same way that the other people in your life are really not as bad as they may have seemed at the time, you're really not as bad as you perceive yourself in this moment.  All that's done's forgiven...

John 20: 19-23

Down In It

During a certain period of time in my life I was a fan of the music of Nine Inch Nails.  This was basically a decades-long music project of an "angry-yet-sensitive" man from Mercer, Pennsylvania named Michael Trent Reznor.  He did all of the songwriting and programming; all recording was done under his direction.  On tours he would have a live band, including some musicians who are now famous in their own right, but it was nevertheless very clear that Nine Inch Nails was effectively a one-man-band, perhaps the greatest one of all time - or at least the one that's the most widely known.

Anyone who owns Trent's albums knows that each one has a "Halo" number, which helps keep track of singles, EPs, remixes, etc. dispersed amongst the relatively few full-length albums.  The first full-length studio album was "Pretty Hate Machine" from 1989 and that was designated "Halo Two."  "Halo One," the one that started it all back in 1988, was none other than an early single release for "Down In It," one of the songs from that first full-length album.

In that song, he says "everything I never really liked about you is seeping into me."  Given the circumstances leading up to that point, which will not be discussed in detail here, there was a certain inevitability implied about this fate.  Regardless of the means by which such a fate manifests, we are indeed naturally inclined to become like the people we spend time with.  For things to work out differently would require an effort to actively avoid letting that happen.  The easy way to make that happen would be to avoid spending time around people we do not wish to become.  But if that is either counterproductive or simply not possible then we need to actively focus on what is right and just, and act accordingly.  Don't let your place in life bring you down.

John 17: 11b-19

Half-@$$ed

Many years ago I saw a film called "The Joy Luck Club."  No, I did not read the book, and yes, I know that I'm supposed to do that before, or instead of, seeing the film.  But I saw the film instead of reading the book, and that's just the way it was in the beginning, is now, and (maybe) will be forever.  Anyway, there was this one couple who decided that everything was to be split "50-50."  As the woman in this couple is telling her story, it becomes very evident that she is being treated quite unfairly.  Her mother smells a rat when hearing about how her daughter's marriage is going.

The truth is, not everything can be split perfectly in half all the time every time through the course of a relationship.  There are times when one person may not be in any position to "do their part" but other times that same person may be called to "go the extra mile."  There is some give and there is some take.  So then, does the giving and the taking balance out in the end?  The answer to that is, it shouldn't matter.  You can't keep score because you can't quantify acts of love because if you do then you're making love conditional and then that would not be love because love is selfless, not selfish.  It would be favor-seeking or power-grabbing.  It diminishes acts of thoughtfulness and kindness into a sort of currency.  It's what boys sometimes do in their pre-marital relationships when they want to get laid.  Such self-serving relationships inevitably meet an untimely end, and there's usually a bit of drama involved when they do.

Trying to split things "50-50" or keeping score will, ironically, result in one of the people feeling like they're getting shortchanged or receiving the low end of the score.  When they inevitably part ways, there will be unresolved feelings of being misunderstood, unloved, or disrespected.  There will be bitterness.  People are not perfect so this approach just will not work as intended.  So rather than try to quantify or strategize, just keep it simple and think about the good of the other person, rather than just your own good, in all the things you do together.  With this positive attitude, everything will get sorted as well as it could get sorted which would be as well as it needs to get sorted.

John 15: 9-17

We're In This Together

This weekend was spent in Maui, Hawaii for my brother's wedding.  He's marrying a Japanese woman and it's every Japanese girl's dream to have her wedding ceremony in Hawaii, so that's why we're here.  In my travels around the island, I noticed a great deal of fruit stands and fruit smoothie carts and other similar things.  The thought of trying everything offered from every stand was tempting.  As well, I was amazed to find the flatland in the middle of the island covered by seemingly endless fields of sugar cane.  In our condominium, we have a full kitchen so naturally we are stocking it with groceries so as to not have to eat out for every single meal during our stay.

Although a lot of food and other goods need to be imported from the mainland or abroad, things like fresh fruit can sometimes be acquired right here, including a mango I ate from Yee's Orchard right here in Maui as well as most of the fruit or fruit-based products offered at the many roadside fruit stands.  I did not actually go and get sugar cane juice directly from a plant in one of the fields but that sugar cane clearly gets used in some way or another.  Much of it probably gets exported, as do mangoes, pineapples, and macadamia nuts.  Even in this society infested by corn syrup and artificial sweeteners, cane sugar still gets a lot of use.  Look no further than "organic" or "new age" pop or soda in North America or any pop or soda anywhere else, not to mention the myriad other things made with real sugar.

Although Hawaiian islands such as Maui are dependent upon other places for many consumer goods, the other places are dependent upon the Hawaiian islands for sugar, other raw materials, and fruit.  None of these places can exist on their own.  We are all interdependent and the infrastructure necessary to maintain this balance is mind-boggling.  But as long as each participant does its part and takes care of business, everything can run smoothly like a well-oiled machine.  I find it both beautiful and humbling.

John 15: 1-8

I want you to THROW ME AWAY!

Back in the 1990s, Marilyn Manson was sort of a big deal in the music scene.  In his 1998 album, "Mechanical Animals," most of his venom is directed toward the fake and disposable celebrity culture of which he was a part.  I can certainly understand that sentiment.  Back in my undergraduate days I was one of the more prominent and well-known members of the Greek community.  Not on the order of Interfraternity Council board member, Greek man of the year, or student body president, but enough of the right people knew me for me to get inducted into the Order of Omega, the Greek leadership honor society.  In spite of all that and the fact that I loved my own fraternity brothers dearly, I largely despised a lot of the Greeks outside of my fraternity.  I despised people just like them when I was largely overlooked and ignored in high school and I despised them just as much when they accepted me as one of their own.  I simply could not find anything to like about them.

But anyway, one of the songs from "Mechanical Animals," called "User-friendly," says "I'm not in love, but I'm going to **** you, until somebody better comes along."  Just like most of the rest of the album, there is some very inappropriate lyrical content so don't bother looking it up, just take my word for it.  This song specifically addresses the use-and-throw-away mentality of the celebrity culture, which is quite similar to the hook-up culture amongst more ordinary people.  A similar mentality unfortunately takes place outside of the hook-up culture as well.  In these cases, people mess with other people's minds instead of messing with their bodies.

A guy could be a charmingly aggressive corporate type, just the kind of guy that shallow girls tend to like the most, and he could whisper sweet nothings in her ear.  Or he could just say whatever it is he says that gets her to want to hang around with him all the time even if they've only just met and hardly know each other.  Or he could casually yet aggressively invite her to a group social activity, but with an ulterior motive.  But he could also break away from her at the first opportunity, like if she has to move to a different town, or even a different country, for some time.  For him, this game is easy come - easy go so if he meets someone "better," it would be as if the first girl never mattered.  His lips may promise but his heart is a whore.

A girl could look at a guy very intently or act in a flirtatious manner toward him, sometimes on multiple occasions with the same guy, but then she will meet someone "better."  Within a day, or a few hours, her behavior around the first guy would completely change.  It would be as if he never mattered.  Somehow he went from being very appealing to very expendable over the course of a day, or a few hours.  He was thrown away by a girl who was a fake.

Flirtation is not meant to last, it is for right now.  A relationship is about keeping it real.  It's about being true and sincere.  It is built on honesty, not on lies.  While a flirtation is always over as soon as things get difficult, a relationship sometimes involves making a loving sacrifice for the good of the other person.  Before getting too emotionally involved with someone, think about the level of commitment that person is likely to be capable of.  Do they have it in them to keep it real or are they just your fair-weather fans?

John 10: 11-18