The month of May has been pretty wild for me. With the way everything has been going, it almost seems as if my life and the lives of those closest to me had been all planned out and timed very precicely - but not by us. The reason I say this is because there were moments of great joy but also moments of great sadness. Although we would have gladly planned the moments of great joy ourselves, we would never have willingly planned out the moments of great sadness. We are human, after all, and humans generally do not freely accept suffering. Nevertheless it seemed as if everything was timed so as to make those difficult moments a bit easier to swallow. If there were any logistical things that needed to get sorted, sometimes help would come unexpectedly and only because of an earlier human "error."
All our lives, people come and go. You never know when someone will enter your life but sometimes you don't see their departure coming either. Nobody is perfect. Every individual you know will have some things about them that gnaw at your spleen. You might be curt with them or you might be impatient with them or you might speak to them or treat them in a patronizing manner, even when reaching out to them. Certainly you would not do that every time. After all, you enjoy their company enough and their good outweighs their bad enough such that you keep them in your life for a while.
But a while is never forever. When they are gone, it is natural to think about how your last interaction with them went. Did you listen to them talk about the mundane and boring details about their life while forgoing the opportunity to talk about your super-exciting week in full detail? Basically, did you patiently and enthusiastically listen to them talk a lot - about nothing? Or did you push the conversation along to get every word in that you wanted to get in? Were you patient with them or did you openly disapprove of their behavior when they really meant well but either just didn't know better or were just being themselves ("that's just the way they are")? Do you sometimes resent feeling misunderstood by them and harbor somewhat of a grudge?
While they are in your life, it's easy to do or say the wrong things or to treat them not quite right. It's also easy to feel slighted or mistreated by them or to be critical of them. All of your concerns regarding dealing with them seem larger than life. But when they are gone you wish you could go see them again, even if just to reconcile your differences or just for the sake of interacting with them in a way that leaves a good taste in your mouth - and in theirs. All those concerns and gripes you once had now seem petty and trivial. So the guilt sets in. It's tempting to think that you should have been more forgiving when you still could. But there is still a chance to make amends. It's not easy because it requires you to actually forgive yourself. But remember, in the same way that the other people in your life are really not as bad as they may have seemed at the time, you're really not as bad as you perceive yourself in this moment. All that's done's forgiven...
John 20: 19-23
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Down In It
During a certain period of time in my life I was a fan of the music of Nine Inch Nails. This was basically a decades-long music project of an "angry-yet-sensitive" man from Mercer, Pennsylvania named Michael Trent Reznor. He did all of the songwriting and programming; all recording was done under his direction. On tours he would have a live band, including some musicians who are now famous in their own right, but it was nevertheless very clear that Nine Inch Nails was effectively a one-man-band, perhaps the greatest one of all time - or at least the one that's the most widely known.
Anyone who owns Trent's albums knows that each one has a "Halo" number, which helps keep track of singles, EPs, remixes, etc. dispersed amongst the relatively few full-length albums. The first full-length studio album was "Pretty Hate Machine" from 1989 and that was designated "Halo Two." "Halo One," the one that started it all back in 1988, was none other than an early single release for "Down In It," one of the songs from that first full-length album.
In that song, he says "everything I never really liked about you is seeping into me." Given the circumstances leading up to that point, which will not be discussed in detail here, there was a certain inevitability implied about this fate. Regardless of the means by which such a fate manifests, we are indeed naturally inclined to become like the people we spend time with. For things to work out differently would require an effort to actively avoid letting that happen. The easy way to make that happen would be to avoid spending time around people we do not wish to become. But if that is either counterproductive or simply not possible then we need to actively focus on what is right and just, and act accordingly. Don't let your place in life bring you down.
John 17: 11b-19
Anyone who owns Trent's albums knows that each one has a "Halo" number, which helps keep track of singles, EPs, remixes, etc. dispersed amongst the relatively few full-length albums. The first full-length studio album was "Pretty Hate Machine" from 1989 and that was designated "Halo Two." "Halo One," the one that started it all back in 1988, was none other than an early single release for "Down In It," one of the songs from that first full-length album.
In that song, he says "everything I never really liked about you is seeping into me." Given the circumstances leading up to that point, which will not be discussed in detail here, there was a certain inevitability implied about this fate. Regardless of the means by which such a fate manifests, we are indeed naturally inclined to become like the people we spend time with. For things to work out differently would require an effort to actively avoid letting that happen. The easy way to make that happen would be to avoid spending time around people we do not wish to become. But if that is either counterproductive or simply not possible then we need to actively focus on what is right and just, and act accordingly. Don't let your place in life bring you down.
John 17: 11b-19
Monday, May 14, 2012
Half-@$$ed
Many years ago I saw a film called "The Joy Luck Club." No, I did not read the book, and yes, I know that I'm supposed to do that before, or instead of, seeing the film. But I saw the film instead of reading the book, and that's just the way it was in the beginning, is now, and (maybe) will be forever. Anyway, there was this one couple who decided that everything was to be split "50-50." As the woman in this couple is telling her story, it becomes very evident that she is being treated quite unfairly. Her mother smells a rat when hearing about how her daughter's marriage is going.
The truth is, not everything can be split perfectly in half all the time every time through the course of a relationship. There are times when one person may not be in any position to "do their part" but other times that same person may be called to "go the extra mile." There is some give and there is some take. So then, does the giving and the taking balance out in the end? The answer to that is, it shouldn't matter. You can't keep score because you can't quantify acts of love because if you do then you're making love conditional and then that would not be love because love is selfless, not selfish. It would be favor-seeking or power-grabbing. It diminishes acts of thoughtfulness and kindness into a sort of currency. It's what boys sometimes do in their pre-marital relationships when they want to get laid. Such self-serving relationships inevitably meet an untimely end, and there's usually a bit of drama involved when they do.
Trying to split things "50-50" or keeping score will, ironically, result in one of the people feeling like they're getting shortchanged or receiving the low end of the score. When they inevitably part ways, there will be unresolved feelings of being misunderstood, unloved, or disrespected. There will be bitterness. People are not perfect so this approach just will not work as intended. So rather than try to quantify or strategize, just keep it simple and think about the good of the other person, rather than just your own good, in all the things you do together. With this positive attitude, everything will get sorted as well as it could get sorted which would be as well as it needs to get sorted.
John 15: 9-17
The truth is, not everything can be split perfectly in half all the time every time through the course of a relationship. There are times when one person may not be in any position to "do their part" but other times that same person may be called to "go the extra mile." There is some give and there is some take. So then, does the giving and the taking balance out in the end? The answer to that is, it shouldn't matter. You can't keep score because you can't quantify acts of love because if you do then you're making love conditional and then that would not be love because love is selfless, not selfish. It would be favor-seeking or power-grabbing. It diminishes acts of thoughtfulness and kindness into a sort of currency. It's what boys sometimes do in their pre-marital relationships when they want to get laid. Such self-serving relationships inevitably meet an untimely end, and there's usually a bit of drama involved when they do.
Trying to split things "50-50" or keeping score will, ironically, result in one of the people feeling like they're getting shortchanged or receiving the low end of the score. When they inevitably part ways, there will be unresolved feelings of being misunderstood, unloved, or disrespected. There will be bitterness. People are not perfect so this approach just will not work as intended. So rather than try to quantify or strategize, just keep it simple and think about the good of the other person, rather than just your own good, in all the things you do together. With this positive attitude, everything will get sorted as well as it could get sorted which would be as well as it needs to get sorted.
John 15: 9-17
Sunday, May 06, 2012
We're In This Together
This weekend was spent in Maui, Hawaii for my brother's wedding. He's marrying a Japanese woman and it's every Japanese girl's dream to have her wedding ceremony in Hawaii, so that's why we're here. In my travels around the island, I noticed a great deal of fruit stands and fruit smoothie carts and other similar things. The thought of trying everything offered from every stand was tempting. As well, I was amazed to find the flatland in the middle of the island covered by seemingly endless fields of sugar cane. In our condominium, we have a full kitchen so naturally we are stocking it with groceries so as to not have to eat out for every single meal during our stay.
Although a lot of food and other goods need to be imported from the mainland or abroad, things like fresh fruit can sometimes be acquired right here, including a mango I ate from Yee's Orchard right here in Maui as well as most of the fruit or fruit-based products offered at the many roadside fruit stands. I did not actually go and get sugar cane juice directly from a plant in one of the fields but that sugar cane clearly gets used in some way or another. Much of it probably gets exported, as do mangoes, pineapples, and macadamia nuts. Even in this society infested by corn syrup and artificial sweeteners, cane sugar still gets a lot of use. Look no further than "organic" or "new age" pop or soda in North America or any pop or soda anywhere else, not to mention the myriad other things made with real sugar.
Although Hawaiian islands such as Maui are dependent upon other places for many consumer goods, the other places are dependent upon the Hawaiian islands for sugar, other raw materials, and fruit. None of these places can exist on their own. We are all interdependent and the infrastructure necessary to maintain this balance is mind-boggling. But as long as each participant does its part and takes care of business, everything can run smoothly like a well-oiled machine. I find it both beautiful and humbling.
John 15: 1-8
Although a lot of food and other goods need to be imported from the mainland or abroad, things like fresh fruit can sometimes be acquired right here, including a mango I ate from Yee's Orchard right here in Maui as well as most of the fruit or fruit-based products offered at the many roadside fruit stands. I did not actually go and get sugar cane juice directly from a plant in one of the fields but that sugar cane clearly gets used in some way or another. Much of it probably gets exported, as do mangoes, pineapples, and macadamia nuts. Even in this society infested by corn syrup and artificial sweeteners, cane sugar still gets a lot of use. Look no further than "organic" or "new age" pop or soda in North America or any pop or soda anywhere else, not to mention the myriad other things made with real sugar.
Although Hawaiian islands such as Maui are dependent upon other places for many consumer goods, the other places are dependent upon the Hawaiian islands for sugar, other raw materials, and fruit. None of these places can exist on their own. We are all interdependent and the infrastructure necessary to maintain this balance is mind-boggling. But as long as each participant does its part and takes care of business, everything can run smoothly like a well-oiled machine. I find it both beautiful and humbling.
John 15: 1-8
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