Half-@$$ed

Many years ago I saw a film called "The Joy Luck Club."  No, I did not read the book, and yes, I know that I'm supposed to do that before, or instead of, seeing the film.  But I saw the film instead of reading the book, and that's just the way it was in the beginning, is now, and (maybe) will be forever.  Anyway, there was this one couple who decided that everything was to be split "50-50."  As the woman in this couple is telling her story, it becomes very evident that she is being treated quite unfairly.  Her mother smells a rat when hearing about how her daughter's marriage is going.

The truth is, not everything can be split perfectly in half all the time every time through the course of a relationship.  There are times when one person may not be in any position to "do their part" but other times that same person may be called to "go the extra mile."  There is some give and there is some take.  So then, does the giving and the taking balance out in the end?  The answer to that is, it shouldn't matter.  You can't keep score because you can't quantify acts of love because if you do then you're making love conditional and then that would not be love because love is selfless, not selfish.  It would be favor-seeking or power-grabbing.  It diminishes acts of thoughtfulness and kindness into a sort of currency.  It's what boys sometimes do in their pre-marital relationships when they want to get laid.  Such self-serving relationships inevitably meet an untimely end, and there's usually a bit of drama involved when they do.

Trying to split things "50-50" or keeping score will, ironically, result in one of the people feeling like they're getting shortchanged or receiving the low end of the score.  When they inevitably part ways, there will be unresolved feelings of being misunderstood, unloved, or disrespected.  There will be bitterness.  People are not perfect so this approach just will not work as intended.  So rather than try to quantify or strategize, just keep it simple and think about the good of the other person, rather than just your own good, in all the things you do together.  With this positive attitude, everything will get sorted as well as it could get sorted which would be as well as it needs to get sorted.

John 15: 9-17