Love is all you need

After coming back from some work-related travel, I received a call from my parents informing me that they had made it back to the United States after some time spent in Japan.  Earlier in their trip, I was there too.  At that time we were visiting my brother who lives with his wife's family and works out there.  During much of my stay there, I hardly paid for anything - yet.  My brother and his wife's family were very gracious hosts to say the least.  However, there is a phrase that my Mom has told us before that no matter how close you are, always keep account of who owes money to who and how much.  In Chinese, I think it's said in 4 quick (and musical) syllables.

Now why is it that when you're in the family or in any other relationship you should keep account of such a thing as the transfer of money?  Perhaps it's because that's the only thing that really can, or should, be accounted for.  If you do a favor for someone but that other person does a different favor for you, how can you determine if you're "even?"  You can't, unless you think it makes sense to quantify a favor.  If you do or say little things to show that you love the other person, how do you "keep score" to make sure you're both "pulling your weight" in that regard?  You can't, unless you think it's possible for 2 people to have the same personality.  Now how about rules and regulations regarding ritualistic practices?  Well, conducting ritual in and of itself is meaningless unless it has a purpose or intent.  Otherwise you're just getting bogged down with the drudgery of procedure.

In other words, money is the only tangible thing in any relationship.  Keeping good account of it is thus essential because it ensures that nobody takes advantage of someone else.  It keeps the other person's concerns in mind.  If you can't maintain this simple foundation of trust, how can you be trusted with anything else in the relationship, especially things that can't be measured?  Basically, aside from money matters and perhaps even including them, you have very few, if any, rules in a relationship and that's the way it ought to be.  Most of what would be considered rules are behaviorally-related and are really just common sense if you have any semblance of compassion.

What it comes down to is: are you showing love to the other person or people involved?  It's not about whether you do or say certain things at certain times.  It's about keeping the other person or people in mind in regard to every decision you make and every action you take.  That's what love is.  It's the giving of oneself for the sake of being mindful of others, being considerate of current or potential concerns of theirs.  In a relationship that is all you need because it really does cover everything if you think about it.

Mark 12: 28b-34