Clique

I remember being very relieved to graduate from high school.  I actually had many reasons I was glad to leave that place but one in particular was the leaving behind of such a rigid social scene.  It was very cliquish there and there was a very visible social hierarchy there.  Think of the book or the movie "The Outsiders" although perhaps not quite that divided.  Even if Ponyboy and Cherry Vallance did have feelings for each other, there's no way anything would have happened because of the considerable social gulf between them.

Well I was all excited about getting a fresh start to a new life at university only to find that it's very cliquish there too.  Sure, there's not such an oppressive hierarchy that permeates the social fabric but it's still cliquish nonetheless.  Getting to know people outside of your social circle requires a lot of effort.

In the adult world, there is a slightly different problem.  You could go weeks or months without meeting certain people.  You just don't see individual people as regularly in adult life as you do while in school.  Some people you will get to know and then make arrangements to meet with them regularly but if you leave it to chance, it's really a bit of a crapshoot.  There are some people you could know for many months but you never seem to get past the acquaintance level with them.  But somehow, they invite some of your friends to their parties while you don't get invited.  Finding out about it after the fact on Facebook is enough to make you feel like an outcast.  So the adult world is quite cliquish as well.

Is this a recent phenomenon?  Absolutely not.  It's just the way people are naturally inclined to behave.  We are more comfortable spending time with people who are familiar to us than with those who are unfamiliar.  We are also creatures of habit, following cycles of whatever length - weeks, months, years - with same or similar activities and companions each time around.  If someone wants to reach outside their own social circle and meet someone in our group, it takes a lot of effort for them to do that.  But it takes a lot of effort for us to reach out to those on the outside looking in.  If we meet each other halfway, we reach out to them while they try to reach us, it makes the distance between us more manageable.

The idea does seem rather awkward, doesn't it?  Well, it only has to begin with just saying "hello" to a stranger you have seen multiple times by chance.  Maybe if there's time to say more than one word, step it up to making introductions.  I know of a couple that started dating because they lived in the same apartment complex (known for being very NON-interactive living spaces) and the guy said "hello" to the girl on a few occasions.  When they were in the apartment complex laundry room together for more than a split second, of course this was after a few previous short encounters of just "hello," introductions were made.  Subsequent encounters, that may have been just "hello" had it not been for the introductions, instead became opportunities to have very brief conversations.  They would actually pause for a few seconds to chat rather than just pass by each other in a split second.

Sure they had obstacles that stood in the way of the feasibility of carrying out this relationship.  He was, after all, a military man who could be shipped out with short notice and be away for who knows how long.  But at least they were giving it a chance.  Otherwise, there wouldn't have even been anything to work on or work through.  I do not know the status of that relationship today but even if it did not last, they at least created the opportunity to enrich each other's lives for however long they were together.  Even if they are apart now, the positive influence from that life-changing experience with each other will still remain.  If, on the other hand, the relationship lasted and they are still together - well, more power to them.

Matthew 5: 43-48